he is not my bodyguard

The Billy

Billy is the most annoying person in my life – I see his truck in the driveway when I come home and simply shutter in anticipation of what tortures I have in store for me. He is loud and obnoxious and I can't stand him – in fact, being his sister has let me know something disturbing about my character, it is very likely that I am possible of murder…

Having said this, I think it has to do with the chemistry that God put in sibling relationships, I

love my brother so much, I hope and pray for the best for him and I want to include him in everything (which I tend to regret, because he bugs me so much). People have tried to emulate this relationship I have with my brother. I have a pretty high tolerance and people really don't tend to bug me the way Billy does, no matter how hard they try, they are just much too nice to come close to the evil Billy can conjure up in his head.

– One guy, Isaac – came close: I remember he wanted to pick my nose,

in true Billy fashion. I warned Isaac to go ahead and molest me - if he wanted me to sock him in the face and never talk to him again. When Billy tries to pick my nose I have told him it is like rape, I hate it so much – which Billy laughs at how I could even compare the two – and because I hate it, Billy loves to do it. I hit Billy pretty often. What Isaac doesn't understand is that he doesn't have the bond of being my brother that Billy has so he would not be able to get away with it – not that Billy does get away with it… but I will still love Billy afterwards... anyone else I probably would never talk to again – come on, now, it is just plain gross!

Now, just last weekend, a friend of ours, Jason, stated that we have the best sibling rivalry he has ever seen. To Billy this is quite a compliment, and now, as if it were an Olympic event, Billy strives on being the best he can be – he is going for the gold of being a total ass. Really, if I were to ever need a bodyguard, it would be to protect me from my brother.

To be fair to the little booger – I have beat him up more times then you can imagine, and just thinking of giving Billy a wet willie give me the giggles – I will not pass up an opportunity to give him one. It is getting harder and harder too, because when he is not even looking in my direction and I just motion my finger towards my mouth he instinctively will cover his ears – he has a 6th sense. When I accomplish getting one good one in his ear it is just about the most delightful thing ever.

I also have a series of nick names for him: Sideshow Bob,Fabio, Kramer (from Seinfeld), Justin Timberlake, Justin Guarini (1st American Idol), Cinderella (Rock Band), Shirley Temple (after a day at the beach and swimming in the ocean Billy's hair turns to golden ringlets, it is quite adorable) … those are just a few of the names I have for his hair…. I won't bore you with all the things I call him (it is quite a list).

To be kind to Billy he is quite a cutie-pie. He saw that I was putting in look-a-likes and insisted to add Heath Ledger. He also thinks he resembles Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker/young Darth Vader). A friend of mine said he looks like Tennis Pro Dmitry Tursunov. I thought I would throw in Ryan Phillippe too.

I took Billy to my dance lesson this last Sunday after church – he wants to learn his stuff. Billy

really enjoyed the class. My dance teacher for this class always reminded me of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast - he just believes that he is the most

beautiful thing on the planet. Billy thought my dance teacher, who is also a Casanova/Pepe Le Pew type, was a great character to do one of his impressions of. Alberto (another student in the class) told our dance instructor, "look, she brought her bodyguard". Alberto joked with me, "no one will want to dance with you with him around…" So Mr. Le Pew asked me "So, this is your body guard?" I told them – he is not my bodyguard; he is my little brother. "Little? You mean he is younger?" my dance teacher asked me.

Billy will always be Baby Billy in my heart (hey, call Billy that: Baby Billy, he loves it!) – and I am a very strong big sister, I will kick anyone's ass who even thinks of messing with him, that is a job reserved for myself. I don't see Billy as others do. I guess they see this man around 6'3" tall, athletic – could he really even be intimidating???… nah, this is Billy we are talking about here.

Most people are safe – if you try to bug me Billy will probably just laugh and want to shake your hand. If anyone were to hurt me though… well, if that were to happen, and Billy was around, don't feel so bad for me as for the person that hurt me because he may end up in the hospital. But what brother wouldn't do that for a sister? Billy knows I can handle myself – only fight I have ever been in is when I was in the 8th grade. While I have not been in many fights, Billy knows first hand of my rage, and both he and my mother feel sorry for anyone that crosses my path. Thankfully, few, if any, of my friends have ever seen that rage (it's ugly.)

Brother and Sister on a Christmas Morning

At any rate, Billy is not a bodyguard; he is my Baby Billy.

Baby Billy